Archives For morals

As Seen Through Your Child’s Eyes

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Imagine that you’ve just gotten off of an airplane in a different part of the world that you’ve never experienced. All of the people, things, places, that you encountered were a new adventure waiting to be explored. That’s as close as we can get to understanding what it’s like to be your child. They come into this world as a blank slate and everything they experience is a new impression on them.

Think for a few minutes with me about how your child sees the world. Can you imagine going back to the days when almost everything was a new learning experience? How did you figure it out? Mom and Dad. Your job as their parent is to teach your children what you want them to know. You teach them the names of things, how things are used, what sounds they make, and what is safe and what is not. They learn from you what things to eat and drink and what things to play with and avoid. They learn what appropriate language is and, if you use it, what inappropriate language is. Are you actively showing your child the differences?

Your children learn how to behave from you. Your kids see how you treat others, how you spend your time, your habits and mannerisms, and the way you talk. They learn emotion from what they see. Your child sees what it is like to be happy, sad, angry, excited, bored, and so forth. They learn what it means to be patient and when enough patience has been extended. They also learn how to hate from you, and how to love from you. Do you exhibit love, care, and compassion for others, or does your child see discord, conflict, and anger?

Your children learn relationships from you. It begins with your relationship with them, extends in the home to your relationship with your spouse and other children, and outside of the home to friends and family. Are you nurturing those relationships and giving them the time and attention that they deserve? They learn what it means to be selfish and to be giving from you. Which of these does your child see most?

Your child also gets morals and ethics from you; that is, you become their guiding compass. They pick up on right from wrong. They learn what hard work is supposed to look like. What you believe becomes what they believe; that includes religion and spirituality. Parents have been known to say they will let their child decide these things for themselves – is that really the responsible thing to do? Or, is it an excuse not to take them to church? If you don’t teach morals, ethics, values, and beliefs to them, there is a world full of people waiting to teach them. Do you want to leave it in their hands?

You are larger than life to your child. You are their whole world, and your responsibility for them is an awesome one. Be intentional in teaching and training them. Don’t leave it to chance that they will pick up the right things from the rest of the world.

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (King James Version)

Application Question – Do you just assume that your children are learning the right things from you, or are you being intentional about it? Do you want them to see the real you or the you that others talk about?

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Your Best Investment Ever

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Sitting in church yesterday morning, I realized something. The pastor was speaking in a series on life change, and today’s topic was on change agents. He mentioned how others have invested in us to get us to the point where we are in our lives. Consequently, it us our responsibility to invest in others to make sure that their lives are lived to the fullest. As parents doing this for our children, it is our highest calling. If you want to raise good students, you have to raise them as quality young people.

How do you invest in your children? I’ll get to some of my thoughts in a moment, but in a nutshell you invest in them by giving of yourself and being the parents that God appointed you to be. Your child had no choice in the matter – they’re yours. You, as the adult, are wholly responsible for your child. It is an awesome responsibility.

Now, before you go breathing in a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating, realize that children are very resilient. There is room for error, but just be sure that you don’t keep making the same error. As long as you’re trying with your kids, you’ll do just fine.

So, here are a dozen ways on how you make investment deposits with your child.

  1. Spend time with them. There simply is no replacement for time.
  2. Listen to them. Children often feel like they’re second-class citizens when they’re in the company of adults. Listen to them, but don’t coddle to their every need.
  3. Help them with their schoolwork, get involved in their school, and let them see you learning something new. The goal is to get them enthusiastic about learning for a lifetime. Your child cannot afford to graduate high school and never pick up another book again.
  4. Let them see charity and concern for others in you. It is not the responsibility of the government to take care of us; when the community at large takes care of its less fortunate then we all thrive.
  5. Don’t be afraid to discipline. The simple definition for discipline is to teach. Your child needs to know right from wrong and the boundaries when dealing with others, so be sure to teach them. Reward good behavior and correct bad behavior.
  6. Tell them how unique and special they are. Don’t go around comparing them to others. If your child’s self-esteem is high, then there is absolutely no limit to what they can accomplish in this world.
  7. Be their parent, not their friend. Your child will have plenty of friends, but you are their parent, their anchor, their safe place. Being the cool parent can have disastrous consequences.
  8. Model healthy practices for them. Eat right and get proper amounts of sleep and exercise, and require the same of them as well.
  9. Give grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Jesus modeled these behaviors for us, so we should do as much for our children.
  10. Never give up on them. At times parenting is the hardest thing in the world. You will be frustrated and not know what to do next. Just never, ever let them see you give up. You can’t – they’re your children.
  11. Be consistent. To feel safe and connect with you, your child needs to know how you’ll react to different things. Doing what you say, and following through, teaches them so much.
  12. Virtues, values, morals, and ethics. We must teach these to our kids if we want them to have any.

I could go on all day, and you probably have lists of ways that you invest in your children. The thing to remember is that you alone are the single most important influence in their life. Anyone can be a father or a mother, but it takes effort to be a parent. Mold them into the person that you expect them to become. Not only is it your duty, but it will be the most rewarding thing that you ever do.

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Why are Japanese students so smart?

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When we think of where the best students come from, we often think of Japanese students.  If we take a look at Japanese education, there are some things we can pick up on that might give our children an advantage in school.  Here are a few observations:

  • Japanese educational structure very closely follows the American system.  There are six years of elementary education, three years of junior high, and three years of high school.  However, entrance into high schools is competitive and is based on examination, interviews, and so forth, much like college.
  • Japan enjoys 100% literacy because of their emphasis on elementary education, and over 90% of children graduate from high school.
  • Japan does not segment classes based on ability or aptitude.  The only exceptions to this are schools that cater to those with disabilities (blind, deaf, or major mental handicap). 
  • Children are promoted each year, almost without exception.  Those who struggle are given extra attention and instruction.
  • Japanese students are taught a life curriculum in addition to the academic subjects.  They learn morals and instruction on how to interact properly with society and the environment around them.  Principles like manners, politeness, and respect for adults are all taught in the classroom.
  • Japanese students work in groups and are largely self-directed in terms of discipline and responsibility.  Student leaders organize groups to maintain appearance and cleanliness of the school, instilling a pride in ownership. 
  • The assumption is made that all children have equal potential to learn academically and to develop good habits.  Differences in achievement and progress are attributed to level of effort and self-discipline.

Our American classrooms, in general, fall short in teaching and developing some of these habits.  So, what things can we do as parents to approximate this experience?  Here’s what I see:

  1. Work to teach your children good habits.  Organizational skills, study skills, self-discipline and attention to detail can all be taught through example and appropriate positive reinforcement.
  2. Expect them to excel.  Don’t make excuses or concessions for them.
  3. Teach and expect manners, respect, and politeness.  Model these in your own behaviors.
  4. Teach and adhere to your moral principles.  It’s hard to expect something of a child that you’re not willing to conform to yourself.
  5. Continually talk about the importance of school.  Be involved in your child’s education.
  6. Give them the help that they need when they are struggling.  Help them focus on the behaviors and activities that will help them succeed.
  7. Teach them about work.  Give them chores and accountabilities in the home.  Show them the value in accomplishment and completion of a task.

All of this comes back to the parents playing a key role in the education of their child.  Children are a huge responsibility, no doubt about it.  If you’ll teach these things to your child, then you are preparing them for life regardless of their level of success in the classroom.  It’s never too late – start today!

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