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Bad grades and Christmas – a tough combination

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If your kids aren’t out of school for Christmas already, they soon will be. They are so looking forward to the break and for the presents under the tree. You too are (probably) looking to spend some time with them at Christmas. Coming home with them is their mid-year grades. Hopefully your children are doing well in school, but what if grades are an issue? How can you handle that over the holiday season without ruining their Christmas and yours?

First, keep in mind that you, Santa, and everyone in your family should be giving gifts with no strings attached. This means that no matter how your child performs in school that you would have given them the gift anyway. Since the gifts are given unconditionally, your child should be able to keep their gifts regardless of their grades, and in my opinion they should be able to enjoy those gifts over the holiday break.

By allowing your child to keep and use/play with their gifts while they are on Christmas break, you may be worried that you’re sending the wrong message to them. So, instead of taking away their gifts, maybe you take away another toy or device that they love to do throughout the entire year. That one can be tough also, because you may be tempted to take away video game usage but they just got a Kinect or some other great game. Or maybe they got an iPod so you can’t really take away their computer because they need it to setup and sync the iPod. An alternative may be to restrict their usage and time on these devices.

You might be tempted to take away some activity that they would otherwise be involved in. Maybe they were planning to go on a trip with their church or other organization, perhaps they play some recreational sport or it might be that your family is planning a ski trip or something similar. Taking away or limiting their involvement in these are certainly candidates for consequences, but you will have to evaluate the message that you’re sending. You also want to pay attention to how the consequences might affect the rest of the family, particularly if you’re in the ski trip scenario. A moping teenager is certainly a downer to any occasion, and if you’re paying money to travel then you really don’t want to waste those dollars.

Another option is something like extra chores. A little hard work never hurt anyone, and if you live in an area where there’s snow and ice then a good snow shoveling might get your message across. Or, maybe you have leaves to rake or some other work to do that your children normally don’t participate in. This may well be your best option because you don’t impact the rest of the family or activities and your child can still enjoy the benefits of the holiday season.

In summary, I’m not sure I gave you any good options, just things to consider. That’s why I titled this post the way that I did – it is a tough combination. Just keep in mind that your child is watching everything that you say and do. If you promised a consequence, then following through on that consequence is much more important in the long run than being lenient. As hard as it may be to have your child miss out on things during their time off, you send a very important message to them when you take their grades seriously. And remember that positive reinforcement is much more powerful than punishment, so don’t forget to celebrate their successes in school also.

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Christmas ideas for the Affluent Student – Part 2

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Here we are, just ten days away from Christmas. Many of you may be looking for some gift ideas. To support the philosophy of The Affluent Student, I’ve put together this two-part post to provide you with some gift-giving ideas. In our last post we talked about some ideas for your younger students, and today we’ll look at our teens and adolescents.

Your middle school student is always a tough one. They will be using more technology, be involved in more activities, and building their social circle as they head into their teens. Most likely the question you’re really trying to answer is whether to treat them as children or as young adults. Use their developmental maturity as a guide. Some ideas will remain at each stage, like age-appropriate books. They might love an e-reader like a Kindle or Nook at this age, or you might go all out and get them a desktop or laptop computer. If you open up internet access to them, make sure you’ve setup all of the safety boundaries as discussed here. It’s my opinion they don’t really need a cell phone at this age, but again that’s an individual decision based on activity and maturity level. Board games will give them a chance for face-to-face interactions with their friends and families in a relaxed, fun, competitive atmosphere. You could buy them a magazine subscription based on their interests, or a trip to a summer camp or some supplies and accessories based on their interests.

In high school, you can begin to gift your child much like you would an adult. They love to make their own decisions so you can give them gift cards to their favorite stores. This will also give them an opportunity to manage the money through those types of decisions, and it creates teachable moments for you as well. It also lets them begin to see how much things like clothes, shoes, food, and other items cost so that they have a new appreciation on how much life costs. Books remain a big deal because leaders and successful people tend to read throughout their lifetime. A devotional, new Bible, and business and self-help books would be terrific – how many of those books have you read and wished that you would have known when you were a kid? By now they would love a cell phone if they don’t have one, and the closer they get to college the more they will need a laptop computer to go with them.

I believe that gift giving for The Affluent Student can support their educational efforts and still be fun and thoughtful. These gift ideas show your commitment to their development, growth, and success throughout life, most of them have little to do with technology, and they give you as parents numerous opportunities to strengthen your relationship with them. I do think that it is important to keep control over the gift giving to set and manage expectations properly as your child enters adulthood. And finally, remember that Christmas is all about giving – now is the time to teach that to your child.

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Christmas ideas for the Affluent Student – Part 1

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It’s that time of year – when parents, grandparents, and even Santa scurry frantically to get that right gift into the hands of every girl and boy. In a time when we’re inundated and overwhelmed with toys and gadgets that are entertainment devices in their own right, it is tough to decide what’s best for your child. It can be tempting to equip them with a cell phone or laptop, tablet or video game, or software and access to all that the internet has to offer. But what things can you give them that will bring out the best in your student? In this two-post series we’ll look at ideas for the different age groups. Read on for some ideas.

For your preschooler, the age-old standbys are still perfect for their developmental stage. Blocks, picture books, big Legos and Lincoln Logs, character dolls, Tonka trucks, arts and crafts supplies, board and card games like Memory and Go Fish, and so on will feed their brains all that they need. Creative and imaginative play are super-important for proper development, which many of these toys assist with. Blocks and picture books will help them develop their vocabulary and reading skills. Games develop strategy, memory, and counting and number skills. Notice that none of these suggestions take batteries, plug into the wall or the TV, or require you to download anything. We don’t need to make them into little computer geniuses at this young age. And they’re all easy on the wallet but require an investment in time from the parents to maximize their enjoyment.

Elementary school children can also benefit from non-technical gifts. You could buy a nice desk and chair for them to do their homework on. Books appropriate to their interests and age can be a hit. Again, more arts and crafts supplies if they appear to be bent in that direction. If they enjoy doing homework-like activities, then a math, spelling, reading or activity book that is age-appropriate would be good. Get them outside – bikes, playsets, trampolines, basketball goals are all fun and create opportunities to engage in physical activity. And honestly, if they must have video games please adhere to the ratings on the games. Your elementary school child doesn’t need to play Halo, Call of Duty, or some other teen or mature-reated game.

On those lines, the temptation may be there to buy toys and games that are recommended for older age groups because you think your child is more advanced. Please resist that temptation. Number one is the issue of safety, and younger kids can get seriously hurt with some of these toys. Secondly, a toy or game that is too advanced will only frustrate your child. Finally, from a selfish perspective it gives you more things to introduce to your child as they get older; if you buy the advanced toys now then you can’t buy them later.

In short, you can support their development and growth through these gift ideas without breaking the bank. There are many other ideas you may have, but try to resist buying an “electronic babysitter” for this age group. Next time we will look at ideas for middle and high school students.

 

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A quick word

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A dear friend of mine lost his 11 year-old son today after a five year battle with cancer. As much as we’d like our kids to succeed, no matter what please just love them where they are. They are amazing, wonderful gifts from God. Be proud and cherish every moment you have together – it all goes by in a flash.

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Help your child find their niche

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One of the greatest things that a parent can do for their child is to help them identify and pursue their gifts.  Nothing can be more frustrating than doing a job that doesn’t fit your skills, abilities, visions, passions, dreams, and personality traits and tendencies.  Many of us in adulthood are in just such a job.  We get a job that seems like a fit for our education, get comfortable that the income and benefits can support our family, and before we know it we’re shackled to the Golden Handcuffs – too many responsibilities to change jobs, too much income to give up.  The precursor to that decision, quite often, is our education.  How many of us chose an education or major because it’s what someone else (parents, teachers, etc) thought we should do?  Worse, how many of us landed in a major by default, as in I couldn’t pass all of the courses for my major so I changed majors to something that maximizes the classes I’ve already taken?  Did you have to jump into a job right after high school because it was the thing to do, or after dropping out of college because you had to start repaying those student loans?  The core question is, are you in a job that you didn’t plan to be in or never gave much thought to?

How sad it would be for your child to land in the same position.  The best news is that it is never too late as long as they are still in your home.  This list isn’t complete, but here are my thoughts on some things you can do to help them find their niche or their sweet spot. 

  1. Pay attention to the things that they like to do. 
  2. Also pay attention to the things that they don’t like to do.
  3. Expose them to different activities and see how they respond.
  4. Do their homework with them – this helps you see their academic giftedness.
  5. Minimize criticism in order to help keep their self-esteem high.
  6. Gently guide them if you determine that something simply isn’t a fit.
  7. Don’t over-commit your children; more than two extracurricular activities at a time is too much.
  8. Allow them time for unstructured play and see what they gravitate to.
  9. Watch how they interact with others, both in one-on-one and group settings.
  10. Don’t live vicariously through your children, give them opportunities and see if they gravitate to them.
  11. Let them take tests and assessments that may be offered in school but take the results for what they are.
  12. Don’t compare your children to their siblings, to your own childhood, or to others in their life.

Make notes on your observations for them to look back on in their teenage years.  Then, as they begin to consider college or career, you’ll be well-equipped to have meaningful discussions with them as to what their purpose might be in this world.  It could be perhaps the greatest gift that you ever give your child.  Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

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