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I wrote an article last year about helping your child find their niche. I talked about the importance of helping your child identify their skills, abilities, talents, and natural giftedness. Just the simple act of observation will tell you so much about your child, but what you do with that information is critical to your child’s development.

We can unwittingly steal our child’s hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Some people get so concerned and worried about their children succeeding in life that we tell them all of the things they cannot do instead of listening to the possibilities of what they might do. Although our child may be extremely talented at something, it is so easy to tell them that those skills won’t help them succeed.

Let’s take something as simple as TV watching. Think you can’t make money at that? Think again. There are numerous blog sites, podcasts, and other social media sites where fans of a television show began to create content and connect with other fans. Potential advertisers and sponsors recognize the amount of attention being paid to this site, and the number of followers/readers that it has, and before you know it the site creator has a paying gig. Why – because they were passionate about something and found others who shared the same passion.

What else might your child be doing that looks like a waste of time? How should you handle that? Start by simply remembering that kids are children for only so long. Let them have their play. As long as they aren’t hurting themselves or someone else, or doing something illegal or immoral, they’re probably just fine. The imagination is a fertile field in our young children and they need to be able to plant, water, grow, and harvest from that garden.

So the next time you’re telling your child not to waste their time, or pushing them to do something differently, or even using the simple words “you need to grow up”, think about the impact that you might have on that child. What dream or creative work might be lost forever to your powerful words? We were all artists, dancers, musicians, actors, and so forth when we were kids, but somewhere along the way someone told us that we need to act like an adult. Don’t do the same to your child. Every child deserves to have their fun.

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One of the greatest things that a parent can do for their child is to help them identify and pursue their gifts.  Nothing can be more frustrating than doing a job that doesn’t fit your skills, abilities, visions, passions, dreams, and personality traits and tendencies.  Many of us in adulthood are in just such a job.  We get a job that seems like a fit for our education, get comfortable that the income and benefits can support our family, and before we know it we’re shackled to the Golden Handcuffs – too many responsibilities to change jobs, too much income to give up.  The precursor to that decision, quite often, is our education.  How many of us chose an education or major because it’s what someone else (parents, teachers, etc) thought we should do?  Worse, how many of us landed in a major by default, as in I couldn’t pass all of the courses for my major so I changed majors to something that maximizes the classes I’ve already taken?  Did you have to jump into a job right after high school because it was the thing to do, or after dropping out of college because you had to start repaying those student loans?  The core question is, are you in a job that you didn’t plan to be in or never gave much thought to?

How sad it would be for your child to land in the same position.  The best news is that it is never too late as long as they are still in your home.  This list isn’t complete, but here are my thoughts on some things you can do to help them find their niche or their sweet spot. 

  1. Pay attention to the things that they like to do. 
  2. Also pay attention to the things that they don’t like to do.
  3. Expose them to different activities and see how they respond.
  4. Do their homework with them – this helps you see their academic giftedness.
  5. Minimize criticism in order to help keep their self-esteem high.
  6. Gently guide them if you determine that something simply isn’t a fit.
  7. Don’t over-commit your children; more than two extracurricular activities at a time is too much.
  8. Allow them time for unstructured play and see what they gravitate to.
  9. Watch how they interact with others, both in one-on-one and group settings.
  10. Don’t live vicariously through your children, give them opportunities and see if they gravitate to them.
  11. Let them take tests and assessments that may be offered in school but take the results for what they are.
  12. Don’t compare your children to their siblings, to your own childhood, or to others in their life.

Make notes on your observations for them to look back on in their teenage years.  Then, as they begin to consider college or career, you’ll be well-equipped to have meaningful discussions with them as to what their purpose might be in this world.  It could be perhaps the greatest gift that you ever give your child.  Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

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