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Why Not Now – Making Today Count

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The procrastination and excuse bug can bite everyone. Parents and kids can be heard chanting the mantra “I’ll do it later” when they have plenty of time and opportunity to do whatever they’re putting off today. Why is this so prevalent in our society and what can you do about it? Let’s spend a few minutes looking at these together.

Tackle the tough work first. We tend to have more energy and a better outlook on the day in the morning hours so that’s the prime time to embrace the hard stuff. Getting the tough stuff off your to-do list creates momentum and gives you something to look forward to about the rest of your day. It’s kind of like having to eat your vegetables before you eat dessert – nobody really likes to but we all know it’s good for us.

Turn big hairy projects into smaller tasks. Nothing makes me want to slump back onto the couch more than seeing a huge monster project on the horizon. Without these small tasks, you may never see your way clearly to the end goal. Breaking the project into bite-sized chunks lets you see real progress toward task completion without the obligation to finish the whole thing at once. This works for school projects as well – do a little bit every night and before you know it the job is done.

Plan your work and set aside time on your calendar. Things get in the way when you don’t block your calendar. Want to know where your priorities lie? Look at your calendar and your checkbook. That’s where your life is lived out. Being intentional with your calendar ensures that a minimum amount of time slips away wasted.

Remove the distractions or obstacles you know you’ll encounter before beginning the work. This can be simple in theory but hard in practice, because sometimes these distractions exist because we like them to be there. Knowing your weak spots can help you clear the clutter that gets in the way. That includes homework for kids; if they’re inclined to listen to music or something else instead of doing their homework then help them see that as a distraction. Talk to them about how it prolongs their time spent on homework and takes away from the time they have to do things they would rather do instead.

Apply Habit One from Stephen Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” – Begin With The End In Mind. The brain is a powerful motivator, and seeing the benefits and end results in your mind before starting to work can create imagery and motivation for you to work on a goal. Teach this to your kids by making statements like “Imagine what it would it be like if you …” or “Wonder how you might feel if you …” That gets the mind involved which gets the body moving.

Tell someone your plans. Once you expose that you’re working on something, you’ve automatically created yourself an accountability partner. My readers expect that they will see my blog three times per week so that motivates me to make sure I post at least that often. Having someone to hold your feet to the fire is a great motivator to get things done.

Change your thinking from obligation to opportunity. Seeing obligation naturally translates to a “have to do” mindset, and seeing opportunity creates a “want to do” atmosphere. Subtle as it may be, changing your language from “I have to …” to “I get to …” has a profound impact. It also affects gratitude and heart. Live this out in front of your kids with a change in language and see how they follow along.

Life is just a series of nows – the past is gone and the future hasn’t arrived just yet. Some say that tomorrow is the busiest day in people’s lives. Get into the habit of making today count and now can become your new favorite word.

Application Question – What assumptions do you make about tomorrow? Does your language indicate a tendency towards procrastination? Which of the tips above can you apply to your personal situation?

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Can You Hear Me Now?

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We live in a world full of noise. In that noise it can be difficult to be heard so we shout louder and louder. It isn’t just the physical noise either. Online there are so many feeds and channels of information that it is easy to get overwhelmed. Beyond the din of all this noise is the lost art of listening. At home, we can lose track of listening just as easily as if we’re in a room full of people. This can have a profound impact on your family and negatively impact your professional career. In this post we’ll talk about how to restore good listening habits.

The most meaningful conversations are had when uninterrupted conversation takes place. Turn off the television, put down the magazine or newspaper, and step away from the computer. Switching over from call waiting or responding to new messages on your cell phone during a conversation sends a message to your spouse or child – whatever is interrupting the conversation is more important than they are. Even if you don’t switch over, just by checking you send the subtle message that something else might be more important than the conversation that you’re having. Intentionally put yourself in a position that you can have an uninterrupted conversation.

Find a quiet place where you can have a conversation. When others are around or a lot of background noise is present, it is easy to slip into a form of shouting which becomes uncomfortable after a couple of minutes. You’ll also find yourself straining to hear the other party. Sometimes privacy is required also, in which case you should be sure that others aren’t around to hear and that you maintain the confidentiality of the conversation.

Use active listening techniques. Active listening involves rephrasing what you just heard into your own words before responding. It lets your conversation partner know that not only do you hear their words but that you’re also applying thought to what you’re hearing.

Ask open-ended questions. When you stick with simple yes and no answers, pretty soon that’s just what you’ll get from your child. Make sure that your questions require some thought, and follow up any response that seems like there is more to be said with another question.

Resist the urge to correct or give your opinion, especially if not asked for. Even if you’re right, when you constantly correct someone or provide an opinion then you begin to stifle their side of the conversation. Your words shape the conversation, and by correcting or giving opinions the talk becomes more about you.

Closely related to this is that we should not provide a solution unless one is asked for. This can be a tough one for guys since we like to be problem solvers. Sometimes, especially for our kids, it is best to let them talk their way into an answer. You won’t always be there to solve their problems so let your children get some practice at arriving at their own solutions.

Go deep. It is very easy to have the same conversations over and over. In general these are nothing more than pleasantries like “How was your weekend” or “How is the family” to which we always have the same answer. Have meaningful conversations that give both of you the chance to get beyond the surface and develop more substantial relationships.

With all of the noise that’s out there, it is easy to hear many things. However, hearing is not listening. Our mothers always told us we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Give those who you communicate with the proper attention and respect their words deserve by listening more than speaking.

Application Question – Do you converse with an open mind and attentive ear? Does your spouse or child have your undivided attention when you talk with them? What one thing can you do this week to improve your conversation skills?

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How Social Media Can Benefit Your Child

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Let’s face it – as parents, if we’re past 30 (which I am) then we don’t fully get this social media stuff. We might think we do, but not nearly to the degree that our teenagers understand the technology. We just roll our eyes when we see our kids with their heads down and thumbs blazing across their phone or iPod. Social media is here to stay. This post will take a look at how this technology can benefit your child and how we as proactive parents can enable our child to take advantage of this technology.

Social media has made its way into the classroom. In an article posted on March 4, 2012 on the USAToday website, writer Mary Beth Marklaine describes how teachers embrace social media in their classrooms. More and more teachers and professors are broadcasting homework assignments, posting presentations, communicating with parents and running group projects through social media. This new reality is the way that our children communicate and teachers are finding that by embracing this they actually get more engagement from the students.

And social media is making its way into the workplace. Most companies realize the power of Facebook and have pages there, and even this blog is beginning to spread through Facebook on the Affluent Student page. Marketers are using video hosting sites like YouTube and Vimeo to distribute product commercials and information sharing. Still others are running their own live internet broadcasting channels to provide podcasts, webinars, training and other company media through sites like JustinTV and UStream.

Internally, companies are figuring out ways that they can leverage social media in their workforce. Facebook lookalike Yammer is sold as a private social media presence. Twitter is being looked at by companies for multiple uses. A tweet can provide a quick status update. It might also be used to alert on the existence of a problem. Still another use would be to communicate to all associates in the event of an email or messaging outage affecting the entire company.

The uses for social media aren’t all rosy. Besides the obvious security concerns, the distraction factor can be substantial. Teachers and professors find that students who are constantly attached to Facebook and text messaging are much less likely to be paying attention in class, and thus miss key lecture points. According to Marklaine’s article, 58% of students are on these sites during class when they shouldn’t be. And that is also a phenomenon that has made its way into conference rooms in businesses all across America. As smartphones and laptops make workers more portable, they also eat into the productivity of the American worker. Tim Mullaney wrote in May 2011 that these distractions and others cost the average 1,000 employee company $10 million dollars annually. He further went to write that workers spend over an hour a day on interruptions, 60% of which come through electronic channels.

So how best to manage it? At some point, your teen will be faced with the prospects of using social media. They will need it in their upcoming work life so it will pay for them to be tech savvy before they get there. But don’t let that be an excuse to buy them the all-inclusive data plan with the best smart phone on the market. Slowly bring teens into the mix. Monitor their computer activities on the home network before deciding to proceed onto a phone. All of these services can be used through a desktop or laptop computer so start there. Set expectations and usage limits for your child. Once they have a phone, enable only the services needed; I doubt they need to be able to send unlimited video mail or have unlimited text though they will tell you otherwise. Get a similar parental control package for your teen’s phone to protect them from online predators, either as a separate piece of software or as an add-on service to your cell plan.

Yes, social media can benefit your child. There are problems with untrained access, just like there is a problem with an untrained person using a gun or a chainsaw. It is a tool, and with the proper training and guidance your child will be well equipped to use social media to their fullest advantage. Parents, take the time to learn about these tools so that you know what your child is up to and so that you can guide them responsibly. What are your ideas on how parents can best teach and equip their child to use social media?

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