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The Real Family Guys Podcast – Episode Fourteen

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The Real Family Guys Podcast - Teen Attitude

Courtesy of alexandralee via Creative Commons license.

Every one of us, as parents, will experience the teenage years. But what happened to the sweet little child that I used to know? Where does all of the attitude come from? What do I do about it?

My Texas friend Trey Gibson and I host this weekly podcast dedicated to family and parenting topics. Check out the show at The Real Family Guys Podcast Episode 14. You’ll find a new episode of us there every Friday.

Today’s topics include:

Sometimes when we get to the teenage years, we encounter a new person. Though they may look the same, they now have attitude. Often we are unprepared to handle this, and if we aren’t careful our conversations with them can spin out of control. There are ways for parents to address this successfully. Understanding where this attitude comes from helps tremendously. Today Trey and I discuss:

Our thoughts on where attitude comes from
Strategies for changing your response to attitude
Why discipline and punishment probably won’t work
Beginning to relate to your child as an adult
How commanding respect can backfire
What part servant and sacrificial leadership play
Getting your child to repeat the right behaviors

If you like to subscribe, all of our episodes will be available alongside Trey’s outstanding podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Zune and more.

But most of all, let us know what you want us to talk about! It can be an issue that you’re having, a news story that you’ve seen, a personal story about your family, and more. Simply use my Contact form or call 205-538-3234 to leave a message for me 24 hours a day.

In Real Family Guys Podcast attitude, teen

Attitude Makes All The Difference

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Courtesy of Ben Sutherland via Creative Commons license.

I think we all understand the power of attitude. It can be a difference-maker. Attitude determines our outlook on a situation. It affects our language. Attitude affects our facial expressions and posture. It affects our priorities. It affects other’s perceptions of us. This means at work and at home.

Do you think having a bad attitude contributes to your stress level? If so, then your attitude also affects your health. According to Healthy People 2000:

70-80% of all visits to the doctor are for stress-related and stress-induced illnesses
Stress contributes to 50% of all illness in the United States
The cost of job stress in the U.S. is estimated at $200 billion annually, including costs of absenteeism, lost productivity, and insurance claims

We are fully responsible for our attitude. It comes from within. While others can have an impact on our day, we choose how we respond. But if we know this, why is it so hard to maintain?

Think about how most of us start our days. We get up ten minutes late because we stayed up too late the night before. Everyone else in the house is running late. The relentless beat of the clock breathes down our neck as we frantically rush to get everyone to their appointed places. By 9 am, your attitude may already be wrecked.

Or, you may be working in a job that you just aren’t excited about. The daily grind takes its toll as you daydream about greener pastures or work that you love. You don’t exactly see eye-to-eye with your boss, and you haven’t had a raise in two years. All this can also add up to be an attitude killer.

Think about how you feel when your attitude is bad. How do you think others see you? If your attitude is normally bad, do you think that sends a message to your children? I think they begin to see that as the way they’re supposed to act and feel. Wouldn’t we hate to know our children learned that from us?

So how do we combat this? I’ve got a few thoughts.

Start with gratitude. It’s hard to have a bad attitude when you stop and reflect on how much you have to be thankful for.
Make a conscious decision to be happy. Happiness is always within your reach. Your mood at any given moment is by choice. I think it would be very difficult to have a scowl on your face if you’re happy.
If something keeps affecting your attitude, change what you can about it. That generally means changing yourself.
Listen to positive, upbeat music or motivational content. The news media and junk that comes through on cable television and the internet can really impact your outlook.
Surround yourself with others that have positive attitudes. We settle into the habits, discussions, and demeanor of the people we spend time with.

Having a good attitude doesn’t mean that you have to be Pollyanna all the time. It means deciding that you’ve decided to take on a generally positive opinion, view, or feeling. As a natural leader in your home, a parent’s attitude is contagious. It also sets the tone for the overall environment inside your home. So if you want your children’s attitude to improve, begin by looking in the mirror.

Application Question – What action can you take from the list above to change your attitude?

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In Life Skills attitude, happiness

Nine Modesty and Decency Tips You Need To Hear

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This is the time of year that makes many fathers cringe. Those of us with daughters fight a battle with summer attire. Swimsuits, shorts, halter tops, mini-skirts, and other signs of summer give us all heartburn, particularly as our girls approach the teenage years. But clothing is just one way that our children express their individuality, so what is the right approach to take to teach modesty and decency? This post discusses some ideas.

Besides clothing our kids express their individuality through tattoos, jewelry, and hairstyles to adorn their bodies. This isn’t a new phenomenon, as examples of this can be found throughout history, so we shouldn’t be surprised when our children want to do the same things. But there are healthy limits that we need to set for our children, based on their maturity level and the reasonableness of their wardrobe or requests. Modesty and decency must be taught by the parents, not adopted from their friends.

Our kids begin to pay attention to their appearance at an early age. I’ve seen it in all of my children. What didn’t matter just a few months ago seems to be of the utmost importance. Some days three or four changes of clothes can take place before the outfit is just right. And from what I’ve seen, it applies equally to boys as it does to girls.

Appearance is one way that a child can either blend in or set themselves apart. They can align themselves with different peer groups by appearance. What we might see as subtle nuances in dress can make all the difference to the child. Brands and labels on their clothing can put your child in a whole new category. To teens that have been raised to value things, it can be the difference in being accepted or being shunned.

Some clothing can be a sign that your child might be affiliated with a gang. Or, accidentally, your child might unknowingly be wearing gang-related clothing or jewelry. While the former is definitely cause for concern, the latter can be particularly dangerous so it is a good idea to know something about this. A decent resource on gang markings and clothing can be found at Robert Walker’s site Gangs Or Us.

So just what guidelines do we need to use as parents? Some ideas follow below.

Decency is the primary guide. Kids must adhere to dress code standards for their schools and should honestly follow those outside of school.
Around the home, your children need to exhibit modesty. In requiring this of them, you teach your child to value and cherish their body and they learn that it isn’t something that the entire world needs to see.
If labels and logos become important to your child then let them begin to manage the clothing budget that you planned to spend on them. You will be surprised at their choices once they see that their dollar doesn’t go as far on brand-name clothing.
Let your child choose their clothing as they approach the teen years but reserve the veto vote at all times. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting so carefully pick when you plan to use the veto.
If your child begins to wear any of the attire that might signify gang involvement, that they haven’t traditionally worn, question the reasons why. New sport logos that your kids don’t wear can be a sign.
Hairstyles, I believe, are a different story. Let your child wear the styles and colors that conform to the dress code standards. Their choices, in general, are harmless and don’t have long-lasting impact because hair grows out.
I think that piercings should be limited to earrings for your daughter until your child is eighteen. Call me old-fashioned, but some of the outrageous places that piercings show up on the human body are just ridiculous. Don’t let your child make a decision that they will regret later in life.
Same thing goes for tattoos. Temporary tattoos are OK for kids, but under age eighteen they should never be allowed to have a permanent tattoo. Again, I might be old-fashioned but kids simply cannot make this kind of permanent decision in a mature, well-informed manner.
Makeup and jewelry are generally harmless, but I get concerned when my daughter wants to wear makeup at her young age. Pay attention to what other kids are wearing, and do what feels right in your mind.

The most important message we can convey to our child is that their worth is not defined by their outward appearance. What they project onto the world from the inside is of far greater significance than the trinkets and adornments that they decorate their bodies with. Be sure that they understand this message and that their individualism is already defined by their unique combination of qualities.

Application Question – Are you uncomfortable with your child’s appearance? Are you and your spouse on the same page on this subject? Is gang activity a problem in your area that your child’s attire might support?

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In Life Skills, Parenting Skills, Values Morals and Ethics appropriate, attitude, clothing, decency, gangs, hairstyles, individualism, jewelry, makeup, modesty, piercing, self-worth, tattoo

Want To Control Your Destiny? Become a Shipbuilder!

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I’m sure that you have heard the phrase, and maybe even said it yourself – “I’m waiting for my ship to come in.” Waiting for someone to drop an opportunity in your lap almost never happens. Sadly, that ship never comes in and you’re left on the dock wondering “why not me?” When you don’t see your ship on the horizon, why not get about the business of building your own?

It is very easy to think this way. When you don’t enjoy what you’re doing and follow the same routine day in and day out you begin to think that the only way out is by a lifeline. You become a victim of your own thinking and become a part of continuing the routine and deepening the rut that you’re stuck in.

One thing is for sure, if you keep doing what you’ve been doing you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting. If it’s time for a change, then it is up to you.

But this applies to all areas of your life, not just work. Your health, your spiriitual wellness, interactions and relationships with friends and family, children, the way you spend your leisure and recreational time – all are dependent on you.

In our own ways, we fall into the trap of waiting for that ship to come in. Have you ever said or thought that your spouse, child, or parent needs to change to improve your relationship with them? Are you waiting for that wonder drug to lose weight? Do you complain about how you never have enough time but watch the same television shows week in and week out?

I will be the first to acknowledge that there is a stark reality of life. We have obligations and responsibilities that we have to take care of. Bills have to be paid so jobs have to be done, grass has to be cut, children have to be shuttled to and fro. But if time is your issue, there is more than enough of it during a week to make some changes in your life. Little by little, incremental changes turn into huge differences. If you give in, you’ve given up.

I will give you this blog as a prime example. I have always wanted to write a book but have never known where to start. It seems so daunting of a task that I never had the nerve to sit down and do it. But now, 160+ posts later, I have more than enough information to write that book. One post after another, and before you know it a book emerges.

Justin Lukasavige and Andy Traub, cohosts of the No More Mondays show talk about this last week in the show titled “Overcoming the Fear.” Seth Godin calls it the resistance. In terms we learned in high school science, it’s called inertia – a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

So what’s the lesson to our children? If you want to be better, if you want something to be different, then it is up to you to change things. You can either be controlled by the situations in your life, or take charge and be in control of the situations in your life. The former is a victim’s mentality, and the latter is a winner’s mentality.

No, I don’t mean for your child to work in the shipyards. But they do need to know how to build their own ship instead of waiting for one to come in. The world needs shipbuilders, and if they are a talented shipbuilder then their skills will always be in demand.

Application Question: What attitude does your language reflect – victim or winner? What small change can you begin to make TODAY to affect your future? How are you guiding your children down this path?

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In Life Skills, Parenting Skills andy traub, attitude, change, control, destiny, fear, justin lukasavige, no more mondays, resistance, self-improvement, Seth Godin, victim, winner

Pies or Candles?

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What an absurd question. I like both, and I can have both at the same time. So why do I have to pick?

If you’re literally talking about pies or candles, then it’s true that you can have both. What I’m talking about is a mindset of scarcity or a mindset of abundance.

When you have a pie, there is only so much to go around. No matter how small you slice the pie, eventually you run out of pie. The smaller the slices, the less satisfied an individual is but the more people are served. I see our nation’s dependence on government programs and benefits as a pie problem.

If you see the world as a zero-sum game, meaning that there is only so much of a resource or asset to go around, you prefer pie. You believe that when someone has something that you can’t have it, and whatever you have someone else cannot have. A spirit of jealousy, envy, and selfishness travels with pie people because there’s this perception that nothing more can be had without taking from another. This is the mindset of scarcity.

Candles, however, are much different in nature than pies. When you light a candle, you can use the flame from that candle to light as many more candles as you’d like without taking away from your candle. The same flame you had in the beginning will still be there after all of the other candles are lit, still as strong and capable of lighting more candles as it was at the start.

When you think in terms of the candle, you believe in the abundance mindset. You begin to see things differently and see opportunity instead of roadblocks. When someone opens a successful business, you might think of a business or opportunity to complement that business instead of packing up and leaving town. You might even look for opportunities to serve that business and make them even better than ever. In your mind, the opening of the business is not the last piece of the pie; instead, it is the lighting of one big candle.

In our homes, what do we teach our kids? Do we see the nightly news and events of our day as another reason to give up, to react in fear, or to protect the few precious assets that we’ve accumulated? Or do we talk about the excitement that comes with something new? When we talk to our kids about their hopes and dreams, are we encouraging them to pursue those or telling them why they need to think differently?

We, and our children, all have unique lights to share with the world. In The Holy Bible in Matthew chapter 5, Jesus reminds us that we are the light of the world and that we are to let that light shine before others. Don’t hide your light from others or extinguish the flame burning inside your child with your words and attitude.

If you think that you’re defeated and that things never go your way, then that’s exactly what you’ll get. You might as well sit down and eat as much of the pie as you can. But if you’ll see yourself as someone who can benefit others and has a lot to give, then you’ll begin to see opportunities all around you. Rabbi Daniel Lapin illustrates this principle throughout his book “Thou Shall Prosper.”

And, as you become someone who gives more than they take, then more will come back to you. It’s the principle that Zig Ziglar built his life upon – you can have all that you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.

Henry Ford once said “If you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”

Maybe it’s time to go on a diet and put the pie away.

Application Question – How can I change my outlook to see opportunity over obstacles? Where are the pies in my life and how can those become candles? What would others say my viewpoint is on this topic?