Archives For Parenting Skills

Corporate Culture – Your Family’s Values and Attitudes

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Last Monday I posted about creating a corporate culture for our family. I spent some time defining what a corporate culture is and I went through some of the benefits and how you might talk about and implement this in your home. In this post and the next, I will go into detail about how you can discover and define the different components that make up a corporate culture.

Let’s talk first about values. Values are the things that we hold most dear, that we treasure the most. In our home, values tend to be the mindsets, habits, and behaviors that we protect at all cost. In order to establish your set of values, think about the qualities that you want your family to aspire to. These might include things like respect, wisdom, love, generosity, persistence, excellence, fun, and others. Let your entire family participate in the discussion on family values. Begin with a set of questions like:

What makes it fun to be home?

What do others in the family do for you that you appreciate the most?

How do you want others outside of the family to think of you?

What things make you proud to be a member of this family?

Describe what would make things perfect in our family.

You might come up with a list of other questions as your family discusses this important topic. I recommend starting here because having the values defined really gives you a point of reference for working through the other components of a corporate culture.

As for attitudes, these can overlap with the values somewhat. Attitudes will encompass how we respond to others, what our general outlook on life is, and how we relate to adversity. Having these on a list gives us an important point of reference for correcting any disrespectful behavior. Your questions that will discover the important attitudes for your family might be:

When bad things happen, how should I respond?

What words do I use to show I have a good attitude?

Describe what a bad attitude looks like.

When things are going my way, what does a good attitude look like?

How do you feel when you talk to someone with a bad attitude?

Again, you might uncover additional questions as your family discusses attitudes. It is up to you as parents to guide the session and ensure that everyone participates. There are no right or wrong answers; all we want to do is create a predictable, comfortable culture in our home.

As for how to actually conduct these sessions, I highly recommend you do it as a family. This conveys the message that this is a very important activity. Have some fun with this and write their responses down. If possible, capture the responses on a whiteboard, chalkboard, or flip chart for everyone to see. Make sure everyone agrees with everything on the list, then come up with these one or two word phrases that describe the things that you hear. Make sure that all of your responses are consistent and do not contradict others on the list.

Another tip that you might consider is capturing these discussions on video. The words and interactions will be precious to you later on in life. You might also find that items on these lists overlap. If so, then you might want to get those that appear on multiple lists onto just one of your lists for clarity sake. Finally, I think the most important tip is to set the ground rules that everyone’s opinion counts. Just because someone says something contradictory to the way the rest of the family responds doesn’t mean that they’re wrong – they just see things differently.

This is an important bonding time with your family. Enjoy it and have fun!

Application Question – Would you feel comfortable talking through this with your family? What approaches can you take to undo some of the bad culture that might already be in place? Your comments are welcome below.

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Why You Must Build a Corporate Culture For Your Family

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Why in the world would you want a corporate culture in your home? I mean really – our home is our refuge from the working world. Bringing something that sounds so institutional into your home may sound ridiculous, but it can have enormous benefits as well. Let’s look at how a corporate culture can enhance your home life.

Let’s begin with a definition. According to the Gale Encyclopedia of Small Business, corporate culture is defined as follows:

Corporate culture refers to the shared values, attitudes, standards, and beliefs that characterize members of an organization and define its nature.

Using this definition, it’s easy to see that a corporate culture is not limited to the place that someone works. And, if you can get past the notion that corporate means business, then you can extend this into your organization that we call the family.

Then, picking apart this definition, we can begin to address the “why” question in the title by looking at the benefits that a corporate culture in our home can bring. We can begin our decomposition with the first key word that we come to, “shared.” Certainly a person has their own set of values, attitudes, standards and beliefs; that’s what makes them an individual. But, the magic of the corporate culture comes from sharing these traits together so that everyone in the organization knows how to respond.

How can you best share these traits in your family? There are several possibilities – you can write them down, you can talk about them, you can live them out, or you can have your family members talk about how they applied these traits. There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, other than to say you should be intentional about it.

But, it is important to note that the formal sharing of this culture is most effective within the home, just as it is most effective for businesses to share theirs inside the corporation. Telling others about your culture outside of the home, honestly, might make you seem a little weird unless you’re asked about it. The way you share your culture outside of your home is by consistently living out these traits.

Next, let’s talk about the four components that make up a corporate culture and describe why those might be helpful for our family.

We want to create the same Values for our family so that each family member understands what things are most important and precious to our family.

We want everyone in our home to exhibit the same Attitudes so that each family member knows how they should respond to different situations and interact with others both inside and outside of our household.

We want to establish a set of Standards so that all family members understand that there is a line between right and wrong, that they have a benchmark to apply to the different circumstances that they will face, and to set the expectation that we will be excellent in everything that we do.

We want to have a shared list of Beliefs so that our family has an anchor to which to attach their convictions, decisions, and morals.

In an upcoming post, I’ll go into more detail about how you can establish this corporate culture in your home. In particular, I’ll go into detail about the values, attitudes, standards, and beliefs to help you come up with your own customized culture for your family. In short, though, be intentional about this. Don’t assume that just because you all live under the same roof that this just happens automatically.

Application Question – Think about the companies that you most admire. What do you think their corporate culture is like? Do you think it just happens or do those companies infuse their culture into everything they do?

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Nine Modesty and Decency Tips You Need To Hear

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This is the time of year that makes many fathers cringe. Those of us with daughters fight a battle with summer attire. Swimsuits, shorts, halter tops, mini-skirts, and other signs of summer give us all heartburn, particularly as our girls approach the teenage years. But clothing is just one way that our children express their individuality, so what is the right approach to take to teach modesty and decency? This post discusses some ideas.

Besides clothing our kids express their individuality through tattoos, jewelry, and hairstyles to adorn their bodies. This isn’t a new phenomenon, as examples of this can be found throughout history, so we shouldn’t be surprised when our children want to do the same things. But there are healthy limits that we need to set for our children, based on their maturity level and the reasonableness of their wardrobe or requests. Modesty and decency must be taught by the parents, not adopted from their friends.

Our kids begin to pay attention to their appearance at an early age. I’ve seen it in all of my children. What didn’t matter just a few months ago seems to be of the utmost importance. Some days three or four changes of clothes can take place before the outfit is just right. And from what I’ve seen, it applies equally to boys as it does to girls.

Appearance is one way that a child can either blend in or set themselves apart. They can align themselves with different peer groups by appearance. What we might see as subtle nuances in dress can make all the difference to the child. Brands and labels on their clothing can put your child in a whole new category. To teens that have been raised to value things, it can be the difference in being accepted or being shunned.

Some clothing can be a sign that your child might be affiliated with a gang. Or, accidentally, your child might unknowingly be wearing gang-related clothing or jewelry. While the former is definitely cause for concern, the latter can be particularly dangerous so it is a good idea to know something about this. A decent resource on gang markings and clothing can be found at Robert Walker’s site Gangs Or Us.

So just what guidelines do we need to use as parents? Some ideas follow below.

  • Decency is the primary guide. Kids must adhere to dress code standards for their schools and should honestly follow those outside of school.
  • Around the home, your children need to exhibit modesty. In requiring this of them, you teach your child to value and cherish their body and they learn that it isn’t something that the entire world needs to see.
  • If labels and logos become important to your child then let them begin to manage the clothing budget that you planned to spend on them. You will be surprised at their choices once they see that their dollar doesn’t go as far on brand-name clothing.
  • Let your child choose their clothing as they approach the teen years but reserve the veto vote at all times. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting so carefully pick when you plan to use the veto.
  • If your child begins to wear any of the attire that might signify gang involvement, that they haven’t traditionally worn, question the reasons why. New sport logos that your kids don’t wear can be a sign.
  • Hairstyles, I believe, are a different story. Let your child wear the styles and colors that conform to the dress code standards. Their choices, in general, are harmless and don’t have long-lasting impact because hair grows out.
  • I think that piercings should be limited to earrings for your daughter until your child is eighteen. Call me old-fashioned, but some of the outrageous places that piercings show up on the human body are just ridiculous. Don’t let your child make a decision that they will regret later in life.
  • Same thing goes for tattoos. Temporary tattoos are OK for kids, but under age eighteen they should never be allowed to have a permanent tattoo. Again, I might be old-fashioned but kids simply cannot make this kind of permanent decision in a mature, well-informed manner.
  • Makeup and jewelry are generally harmless, but I get concerned when my daughter wants to wear makeup at her young age. Pay attention to what other kids are wearing, and do what feels right in your mind.

The most important message we can convey to our child is that their worth is not defined by their outward appearance. What they project onto the world from the inside is of far greater significance than the trinkets and adornments that they decorate their bodies with. Be sure that they understand this message and that their individualism is already defined by their unique combination of qualities.

Application Question – Are you uncomfortable with your child’s appearance? Are you and your spouse on the same page on this subject? Is gang activity a problem in your area that your child’s attire might support?

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Thirteen Surefire Ways to Embarrass Your Teen

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Our children go through a strange and wondrous metamorphosis as they grow up. Besides the physical and intellectual changes, their relationship with us changes. Things that once caused belly-laughter in our kids turn into those moments that embarrass and even mortify our kids. Or, we do or say something in response to a normal parenting situation which causes our kid to squirm. How we handle our child’s reaction to those things can go a long way towards determining the overall environment in our homes. What happens between those times and why embarrassing moments are OK is the subject of this post.

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wrong

I Was Wrong

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What I’ve learned from these experiences is that sometimes things are easier said than done. I knew the right thing to do in each instance but either didn’t think about it at the time or I underestimated the impact of each decision. It’s something we all deal with as parents and functional adults simply living our lives. Those decisions and/or opportunities will never go away nor get any easier.

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How Do I Know Where To Go If I Haven’t Been There Yet?

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My wife and I were discussing vacation plans this week, so Kami (my wife) asks our daughter Ashley where she would like to go on vacation. After mentioning the typical places that we have been to before, Kami asks her if there is any place she would like to go that she’s never been to. Ashley’s response became the title of this post – “How Do I Know Where To Go If I Haven’t Been There Yet?”

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Thirty-One Little Things Parents Can Do Differently

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In the last post on Parenting Plateaus, my overall premise was that change is necessary to move off of a plateau, and any change in the household is the responsibility of Mom and Dad. I realized that I didn’t do a good job of talking about what change might look like, so I’ve brainstormed 31 ideas that you might try.

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Parenting Plateaus

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“I can’t seem to get anywhere with my kid.”

“We’re stuck in the same rut – things never seem to change.”

“No matter how hard I try they just don’t get it.”

Sound familiar? Are either you or your spouse saying these same phrases or something like them? If so, then maybe you’ve hit a plateau.

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When Have You Had Enough?

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Parenting can get tough. Take a look at the following scenarios. Which of these would cause you to give up and throw in the towel?

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Want To Control Your Destiny? Become a Shipbuilder!

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I’m sure that you have heard the phrase, and maybe even said it yourself – “I’m waiting for my ship to come in.” Waiting for someone to drop an opportunity in your lap almost never happens. Sadly, that ship never comes in and you’re left on the dock wondering “why not me?” When you don’t see your ship on the horizon, why not get about the business of building your own?

It is very easy to think this way. When you don’t enjoy what you’re doing and follow the same routine day in and day out you begin to think that the only way out is by a lifeline. You become a victim of your own thinking and become a part of continuing the routine and deepening the rut that you’re stuck in.

One thing is for sure, if you keep doing what you’ve been doing you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting. If it’s time for a change, then it is up to you.

But this applies to all areas of your life, not just work. Your health, your spiriitual wellness, interactions and relationships with friends and family, children, the way you spend your leisure and recreational time – all are dependent on you.

In our own ways, we fall into the trap of waiting for that ship to come in. Have you ever said or thought that your spouse, child, or parent needs to change to improve your relationship with them? Are you waiting for that wonder drug to lose weight? Do you complain about how you never have enough time but watch the same television shows week in and week out?

I will be the first to acknowledge that there is a stark reality of life. We have obligations and responsibilities that we have to take care of. Bills have to be paid so jobs have to be done, grass has to be cut, children have to be shuttled to and fro. But if time is your issue, there is more than enough of it during a week to make some changes in your life. Little by little, incremental changes turn into huge differences. If you give in, you’ve given up.

I will give you this blog as a prime example. I have always wanted to write a book but have never known where to start. It seems so daunting of a task that I never had the nerve to sit down and do it. But now, 160+ posts later, I have more than enough information to write that book. One post after another, and before you know it a book emerges.

Justin Lukasavige and Andy Traub, cohosts of the No More Mondays show talk about this last week in the show titled “Overcoming the Fear.” Seth Godin calls it the resistance. In terms we learned in high school science, it’s called inertia – a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

So what’s the lesson to our children? If you want to be better, if you want something to be different, then it is up to you to change things. You can either be controlled by the situations in your life, or take charge and be in control of the situations in your life. The former is a victim’s mentality, and the latter is a winner’s mentality.

No, I don’t mean for your child to work in the shipyards. But they do need to know how to build their own ship instead of waiting for one to come in. The world needs shipbuilders, and if they are a talented shipbuilder then their skills will always be in demand.

Application Question: What attitude does your language reflect – victim or winner? What small change can you begin to make TODAY to affect your future? How are you guiding your children down this path?

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